Have you heard about “Dry January”? It’s when people give up alcohol for the month of January.
Dry January made me think of people in low intimacy relationships. In this case, “dry” means no sex. Is it different when you are “dry” not by choice but by circumstance?
Do you feel deprived of intimacy in your relationship? Or do you feel like you’re depriving your partner?
Nothing is sexier than expectations, am I right?? I’m kidding! 😀 Few things are less sexy than the pressure of expectations, no matter where they come from.
I have a friend who has a tumultuous relationship with Dry January. She feels like drinking has control over her instead of the other way around.
So, each year, January comes along and she’s determined to grin and bear it. She endures a month of no drinking until freedom arrives on 1 Feb. This year she realized that the sense of deprivation made what can already be challenging nearly excruciating. She realized that she can decide to accept rather than resist her decision to stay dry for 31 days.
I see parallels to this thinking from my relationship clients.
One of my clients, I’ll call her “Monica”, feels so much grief and disconnection when her husband doesn’t want intimacy.
Her brain goes BONKERS! It starts shouting all the different reasons about what’s wrong with him. What’s wrong with her! And then there is a determination to just use willpower to deal with the situation or vent to a friend.
Instead, I offered that her thoughts are an invitation to Stop And Watch.
It’s my invitation to you, as well. Become the watcher of your thoughts this week.
Instead of trying to change your situation or your suffering…try listening to your mind like it’s your best friend.
Which, by the way, your brain is your best friend.
Pay attention to your thoughts about being in a “dry” relationship. Awareness alone can be very powerful.
Hope this helps you slow down and listen instead of power through your situation, however “dry” it might be right now.
P.S. Curious about coaching? Want to see if I can help you, too? Click this link to set up a time to talk – I promise to make it fun.