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    Lisa Schwaller

    Support for Overwhelmed Working Parents

    Archives for August 2021

    What are you hungry for, anyway?

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    Many of you know me from my relationship work, yet you might not know that I coach a LOT about body image and emotional eating.

    They go hand in hand, in many cases.

    Lack of intimacy can encourage seeking comfort in food, alcohol, or other indulgences to get a hit of “feel good.”

    But the consequence of indulging in a craving can be feeling like a double loser.

    First feeling bad. Then feeling bad about overdoing it, whatever “it” means.

    Some people call this the “downward spiral” – how dramatic!

    I think the secret to emotional mastery is learning how to slow down time.

    Think of Neo dodging bullets in the Matrix super slow mo’ style.

    You are Neo. The bullets are what prevents your favorite version of you from showing up in the moment.

    Do you find yourself standing in front of the pantry looking for a little somethin’?

    What are you hungry for?

    Do you find yourself scrolling for hours on end?

    What are you hungry for?

    And will you find the answer to your hunger there?

    Here’s the kicker…

    Maybe there’s nothing that will answer your hunger and that’s just fine.

    Craving seems to be a part of life, definitely a part of modern life.

    We’re brainwashed sun up to sun down that “better” is on the other side of “whatever.”

    Whatever we think we’re hungry for, life will be better when we get it.

    But then we’ll just want something else.

    So, in that moment of craving, avoid willpower or positive affirmations for self-judgement.

    Just ask “what am I hungry for?” and listen with curiosity for the answer.

    And don’t feel obligated to deliver anything in response to your answer.

    Hungry for something to chew? Sure, I get that. Chewing is awesome.

    Hungry for connection? Totally, I get that. It is awesome when I feel connected.

    Hungry for excitement? Yeah, of course, that’s cool when it happens, right?

    Curiosity, acknowledging the desire, and sticking with your plan.

    Seriously, try this out a few times next week.

    Notice the hunger. Ask what you’re hungry for. Then agree with the hunger without acting to make it go away.

    I mean, of course we want to feel good all of the time. I’d love to give that version of life a try!

    But I don’t have to.

    I get to be as hungry as I want as often as I want.

    Let the hunger be, and choose what’s best for me.

    It really, truly, absolutely is that easy.

    Love you madly,

    LisaP.S. This kind of reminds me of the Jim Carrey quote: “I think everybody should get rich and famous and do everything they ever dreamed of so they can see that it’s not the answer.” Bonus homework: If being rich, famous, in love, thin, smart, full, connected isn’t “the answer”…what is?

    man on front of vending machines at nighttime
    Photo by Victoriano Izquierdo on Unsplash

    Fizzy Bubbles & Swamp Bubbles

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    Why, hello, there!

    Today I’m going to share a metaphor that is a fun way to describe our brain.

    Thoughts are bubbles.

    Fizzy bubbles rising into our awareness, neither good nor bad.

    Sometimes life experiences sink to the bottom of our mind and compost.

    Things get swampy down there below our day-to-day thinking.

    I call bubbles rising from that composted stuff “swamp bubbles.”

    Thoughts we don’t choose on purpose are just nothin’ but bubbles.

    Light. Transitory. Meaningless on their own.

    I love the image of “thought are bubbles” in my mind.

    Blip, pop, up they rise into my conscious awareness and sometimes pass just as quickly.

    I used to worship the bubbles and think, “What do the bubbles tell me to do?!?”

    I would shake the bottle to get more bubbles to move.

    “Think! Think! Figure it out! More bubbles will help me find the right bubbles, I’m sure of it”

    I used to try to use thinking to solve my thought problems.

    “I am confused about these bubbles so let’s get some more bubbles in here!”

    BUBBLES!!!!

    It seems that we have a strong cultural bias for intelligent action.

    Making a “good” decision using our thoughts, then doing the stuff the good thoughts tell us to do.

    That’s the ideal, right?

    But can you trust your thinking?

    I sure don’t, not anymore!

    Here’s an example:

    I love walking my dog, Bailey. Except when I don’t.

    “Look at her sniffing the grass. She’s so in the moment. And look at the sunset – the entire sky looks pink and orange!” – and – 

    “Are you really going to sniff this grass this long? I’m getting bored. And we’re missing the best part of the sunset – I can’t see it from this part of the street!”

    This literally could be different thought bubbles floating up within 2 minutes of each other.

    So which one is the “real” me?

    This one, that one, both or neither?

    “I’m not good enough” rises from the swamp just as readily as “I’m a freakin’ rock star!”

    I love some of my fizzy thought bubbles. And some of them I simply label “swamp bubbles” and ignore.

    The less I think about my thinking, the lighter I feel.

    And light and open and playful are all feelings that help me enjoy the living of my life.

    Give it a try this week!

    When you notice getting wrapped up in your thoughts, pause and say, “BUBBLES!”

    See if this playful response causes you to see the situation more lightly.

    Love you madly,

    Lisa

    P.S. Have you seen the movie “Finding Nemo”? MY BUBBLES!!! See a clip here!

    Are you “too” something, too?

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    So, what’s your excuse? 😉

    Too busy? Too tired? Too late? Too young? 

    Too old?

    That last one makes me chuckle.

    I am celebrating my birthday this week. I think it’s funny when people say, “Oh, I’m too old to…”

    Rubbish! Never too old.

    I mean…what’s the upside to thinking you’re “too” anything?

    I’ve got one upside! It’s a socially acceptable way to quit on your dreams. People will nod their heads and say, “Oh, yeah, I’m too something, too.”

    The downside to excusing yourself from your dreams is obvious, too.

    So, what do I believe to be true?

    #1 I’m not too busy for the things that are most important to me. If I am, I need to get honest with myself and my choices.

    #2 I’m not too late. The best time to plant an oak tree was 20 years ago. The second best time? Today.

    #3 I am certainly not too old. The women in my family live into their 90s and 100s, so I might have a good few decades left. That’s plenty of time to create beautiful contributions and experiences.

    Reflecting on the past year, I challenged myself with this question: “Who will I be this time next year?”

    My own bullsh!t is the biggest obstacle between me and an improved future version of me.

    But I get to take control of my mind and my actions.

    Here’s our homework this week:

    Write down 1 habit or lifestyle change that, when implemented, will change your life for the better.

    Then, implement it.

    Before it really is TOO late and you’re not around to do it anymore.

    “My next 30 years will be the best years of my life.” – Tim McGraw

    Damn skippy. Let’s GO!

    Love you madly,

    Lisa

    P.S. Pro-tip: If you’re going to lie about your age, go WAY UP! Then you can enjoy the shock, surprise, and congratulations on how “good” you look for your age.

    P.P.S. Here’s Tim McGraw’s “My Next Thirty Years” for all y’all.

    P.P.P.S. Keep exercising your body, wit, and sense of humor. That’s what has the women in my family enjoying sassy, healthy lives into the triple digits!

    grayscale photo of person holding pocket watch
    Photo by Travis Essinger on Unsplash

    My Favorite Question for Intense Moments

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    Hello, lovely you!

    Here’s a little gift – my favorite question.

    Enjoy putting it into practice and watch what happens!

    First, a little background. 

    Life happens around you. Unexpected situations come up. (I mean, we can expect that will happen!)

    Sometimes those unexpected situations could be labeled “bad” or “negative.”

    What’s your first reaction?

    Most of the time, my first reaction to the “unpleasant unexpected” is annoyance, frustration, anger or disappointment.

    That was the case for me last week. On one of my projects, the client asked for new work that would add weeks to an already tight timeline. Our carefully crafted plan went out the window because of an unplanned ask. I was Very Displeased. This is a serious project with significant financial impacts and we are getting derailed by an ask for something I labeled “completely unreasonable!”

    “This should not be happening!!”

    But it sure was!

    The situation was happening, and my upset wasn’t going to change or improve it one tiny bit. 

    So, I pulled out my favorite tool for the unexpected:

    “This is happening. So, now what?”

    The “now what” part is code for my favorite question:

    “How am I going to show up for myself in this situation?”

    Notice how I turn the attention back to me, to my opinion of myself, and how I want to live through this part of my life’s movie.

    I am not worrying about what other people think of me, whether I’ll make a “wrong” choice, or time traveling into the past or the future.

    I pull myself into the moment to reflect. I tell myself, “I get the ultimate choice here. I get to decide how much this hijacks my energy. What do I want to choose on purpose?”

    This question ”So, now what?” pauses time.

    This situation is happening.

    Flat tire? “This is happening. So, now what?”

    Rejected by your partner? “This is happening. So, now what?”

    Client freaking out about your company’s service? “This is happening. So, now what?”

    Kid refusing to [fill in the blank]. “This is happening. So, now what?”

    This gives me time to answer my question.

    I choose on purpose to notice my heart racing.

    I choose to feel the feelings and not try to “fix” the feeling or make it – poof! – disappear.

    I choose to own which part is mine to keep – how I react and respond – and which parts of the situation are for others to take responsibility for. 

    I step into the person I choose to be in that moment.

    If you practice this 100 times or 1000 times, I guarantee you will not be the same person.

    You’ll have an emotional mastery that makes you feel like a total boss.

    Enjoy!

    Love you madly,

    Lisa

    two white wooden doors with grills
    Photo by Erol Ahmed on Unsplash

    One way ticket, destination unknown! (Fun or terrifying??)

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    man sitting on gang chair with feet on luggage looking at airplane
    Photo by JESHOOTS.COM on Unsplash

    Hello, beautiful you!

    Imagine this scenario…

    You are provided instructions to go to the airport to fly somewhere.

    You are not told where you are going.

    Or what the weather will be like.

    Or how long you’ll be there.

    What thought and/or feeling popped up when reading this?

    Do you feel anxious or incredulous?

    Do you feel intrigued or excited?

    We live our lives as if knowing the trip details will help us get prepared and, well, I suppose that works a fair amount of the time.

    Once in a while, though, our inner wisdom (or whatever you label it) will deliver an instruction with scanty details.

    “Write a book.”

    “It’s time to change jobs.”

    “Do not marry this person.”

    Have you ever had information that seemed to come into your awareness like this?

    Reflect on your response.

    Remember whether you ignored or followed your own Bold Guidance from The Deep.

    Consider how happy you are with that choice in retrospect.

    I am in the middle of a situation like this. The long and short of it is that I was asked to go to the airport and wait for the next clue. Metaphorically speaking.

    Back in the olden times, I would have ignored such an ambiguous suggestion or tried to reason with it or done hours of research to resolve the ambiguity.

    Instead, I shrugged, grabbed a carry on with 2 days of essentials, and headed out. Metaphorically speaking.

    “Old me” would have freaked out to even contemplate this scenario, much less respond with nonchalance.

    “Now me” is up for the adventure.

    I have 100% trust that, when I take steps, more options seem to appear.

    Having trust in this inspired guidance shows the power of coaching for me.

    No fret, no sweat.

    I’m not always this cool and collected, but this “all good, I’ve got this” mindset is becoming more of my day than “old me” could have imagined in her wildest dreams. Which means…

    “Future me” has a mindset for living that “now me” cannot even imagine or describe.

    I think that’s cool! I am super excited to create-slash-meet this person!

    Here is my invitation to you: Keep moving forward while listening. Encourage a plot twist in your wild and precious life.

    What would that be like for you?

    Love you madly,

    Lisa

    P.S. I picked a Word of the Month for the fun of it! Mine is “DELIGHT.” Want to pick one for August, too?