Consider what your culture has taught you around:
- How you are supposed to serve at work
- How you are supposed to show up as a parent
- How you are supposed to be a relationship partner
Many of my clients start working with me to tame their stress.
And the reasons they give for their stress are “out there.”
Too many…things to do.
Not enough…time, money, sleep, self-care, good in the world, change.
There are so many “not enoughs.”
You are free and totally in control of what you say yes to.
Because…you could quit all of it, leave it burning behind you as you walk away like Keyser Soze.
(Any other fans of the movie “Usual Suspects”? I remember loving that movie!)
And if you’re not willing to walk away and let it burn, burn, burn…
It’s because you are saying yes to it.
The number one counterbalance to the sources of stress in your life is setting amazingly clear boundaries with yourself.
Recently, I was feeling annoyed with one of my teenage children.
I could recognize that the annoyance was from my own thinking, not what he had done (or in this case, not done).
As my mind was playing “inner courtroom”, I paused long enough to ask myself this question:
Is there a boundary issue that I want to address?
I got curious where I had not set a boundary inside myself as it related to the situation.
And, yes, that was the true source of myself.
I had a clarity and decision gap.
After I filled that gap and set a boundary with myself, the stress evaporated.
It’s easy to do this.
Here’s the process:
- Decide that you’ll take 110% responsibility for your emotional state. The world happens at you. Your reactions happen in you.
- Decide what you are willing to do.
- Decide what you are not willing to do.
- Decide what you are going to do if another person does something, avoids doing something, etc.
- Decide whether you are going to share your boundary with anyone else in advance.
- Decide what you are going to do if someone crosses your boundary.
This is a broken down process to show the power of what I call “decisive decision making.”
The world will take as much as you have on offer. They don’t ask for “too much” – they just ask. It’s neutral.
The truest freedom is knowing that you have all the time you need and all the resources you need for what you have said “yes” to.
Have fun being liberated from stress!
P.S. I invite you to fall in love with my podcast, “Less Stress, More Fun.” Subscribe today! Each week’s episodes are short (14-18 mins, on average), smart (lots of research) and fun (especially if you love 80s music).