Last time, I talked about the value of making decisive decisions. It’s either “yes” or “no.”
Avoid the middling in between answers that erode trust in yourself.
Now I’d like to offer my guidance on accepting other people’s decisions.
Other people are deciding things non-stop, too.
There is either a “yes” or everything but “yes”…which is “no.”
People are notorious for “people pleasing.”
People pleasing is doing things in order to preserve social goodwill.
You could argue that the desire to please others and retain their goodwill is hardwired into us as tribe mammals.
Fine, that may be true. Still, you get to decide how to interpret other people’s actions and make your own decision in response.
When someone answers a request with anything but a clean “yes” or “no,” please feel free to do the rounding up for them.
It’s either a “yes, I’ll…” or “no.”
If they give you anything but a “yes” answer, do yourself and them a favor and round it up to a “no.”
I do this in business.
Them: “Well, I’d like to join the program but this isn’t a good time because…”
Me: “Okay, so I’ll put you down as a no.”
This tends to move people off center and it removes ambiguity for both of us.
In both business or personal interactions, I seek clean, crisp, tidy “yes” or “no” answers.
And anything else is a “no.”
This has been a HUGE boost for my personal relationships, too.
I recently asked someone for a favor. The answer came back in several messages spaced out over time. “Well, I’m not sure…” and “It depends on…”
So I categorized the response as a clear, crisp, tidy “no.”
I didn’t need to follow up.
I didn’t need to feel upset that it was unresolved.
I didn’t need to wonder what they meant.
They had said “no” over the course of 2 days.
But a “no” was a “no” and it meant that I was free to offer the invitation to another person.
I cannot begin to describe how much stress this has alleviated from my life.
And when people in my life learn that I’m a “yes” or a “no” kinda gal, they know they need to answer decisively.
I’m like Willy Wonka’s golden egg sorter.
Yes? or No? Down the chute and I’m moving on.
This reinforces a trusting relationship with myself. And people know that they can trust me when I say, “I’m marking your answer as a ‘no’ and moving on.”
I ask myself to be a decisive decision maker.
That’s what I model for others.
And the lack of ambiguity has completely changed how much joy I feel and decreased my stress in relationships with others.
Seriously. Try it for a month.
See what your experiment yields for you.
If someone wants to “people please” with a soft “no,” that’s their prerogative.
But I always know how to sort my inputs so everyone’s decisions – theirs and mine – are clear and actionable for me.. #bossmove
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