Future Self

The Best Case Scenario

October 26, 2021 by Lisa Schwaller

Hello, dreamer!

Our minds love to wander. Consider a goal that you want, a desire that you have.

Watch your mind tell stories about what it would be like.

Does your mind tend to be positive or negative?
Most minds have a bias for the protective or risk averse, which is often labeled as “negative.”

This can be a challenge when trying to access your creativity.

Think of a decision you are contemplating or a goal that you are working toward.

Notice if your mind is trying to plan for the worst case scenario.

Worst case scenario is not real. It’s a made up thought about a made up future, a future where you are certain that you will feel something you don’t want to feel.

“If I try to improve my relationship with my partner…I’ll just drive him further away…and then the relationship will end…then I’ll be filled with regret.” (Regret = feeling not a fact)

Worst case scenario thinking is useful when used intentionally. It can point out opportunities, obstacles that you can plan for in advance.

What is the best case scenario?

Let’s ask our brain to provide this point of view for consideration, as well.

“If I try to show up as a better relationship partner…I’ll ask myself to be more honest with both my desires as well as tell the truth about what I suck at in this relationship…which will connect me with how much power I have over creating the relationship I want…which will have me living a life of integrity…which will feel super bada$$.”

(Tangent! Super bada$$, for the sake of today’s teaching, is a feeling. Not a fact. Still pretty cool. Most people would vote “yes” for “I feel super bada$$” any time, any day.)

I joke with my clients when they start going down the “Sure Road to Doomsville” in their mind, “Gee, that sounds TERRIBLE! You should definitely keep your life the same and avoid this dream! But first, have you considered the best case scenario? Let’s consider another viewpoint.”

Often, the best case scenario – in the best case – is showing up in a very intentional, self-trusting, empowered way.

One empowering life motto is: “I take responsibility for myself and today’s choices.”

I cannot begin to describe the freedom – FREEDOM! – experienced when I let other people be themselves, accepting as is, no upgrades or changes needed. None. None. None.

I set them free in my mind and free myself in the process.

You are in your power.

You cannot control circumstances or other people’s choices.

You control how you think, feel, and behave.

Best case scenario feels real and true when I’m in my best self.

Revisit that decision you are contemplating or that goal you are working toward.

Ask “what is best case scenario here?” and answer with only “I” statements.

“I create…”
“I show up…”
“I ask…”
“I commit to…”
“I enjoy…”
“I am willing to feel…”

I challenge you to do this exercise without expecting a person, place, or thing to be part of the results.

It’s a great addition to your toolkit of how to make decisions. Use “best case scenario” when you think you’re “stuck” or “confused” and tap into your innate creativity.

Does that sound like a good scenario?

P.S. Please click here to sign up for my free video + PDF “3 Ways to Reduce Stress TODAY!”

purple and silver keychain on white paper — Photo by Tengyart on Unsplash

Intentional Flexibility

October 3, 2021 by Lisa Schwaller

In a previous blog, I told you about my inner monster mind (Striga), the would-be enemy to my dreams.

Now I want to talk about another strategy for sticking with your goals.

A few years ago, my family was going to the San Antonio tea gardens. On the drive, we listened to the “Happier with Gretchen Rubin” podcast episode on the Rebel tendency.

By the time we parked the car, I felt like my world had tilted sideways.

I would have labeled myself a Questioner. I knew I was a “oh, hell no!” to being an Upholder or Obliger, for sure.

Now, to be clear, this is not a scientifically validated yada-yada-yada, and I don’t live my life by my MBTI type or DiSC or even CliftonStrengths (even though coach certification #1 focused on strengths).

But I do find these personality frameworks to be a way to play with my mind’s stories and understand its schemas and it can provide a shortcut for people who are versed in these sorts of things.

Plus it’s just plain fun!

Anyhoo, back to my story. I’m a rebel, and learning this drastically improved my life. Eventually. After the hopelessness wore off – ha!

It helped me detect and understand one of my most annoying patterns.

It went like this…

I’d set a goal, try to be “disciplined” (read: rigid and inflexible to fix myself for once and for all)…

then trash my best laid plans like a bratty rock star.

What is more fun than fighting against myself? Not much, honestly.

So how can I set and achieve goals?

This pattern is still in play for me, and one of my favorite games is to rage against the machine that is me.

So, this is happening. Now what?

Thus was born one of my favorite concepts: intentional flexibility

I now practice deciding in advance what parts of a goal I will be flexible about and which ones “must comply” with the terms of my agreement with myself.

My favorite example is my workout program.

I set the minimum baselines which are the frequency and duration of workouts.

Then I choose my method (for me, my primary is workouts on Beachbody on Demand because, shello!, I literally can do them with my phone and a 6 foot square space).

Then I choose my flexibility.

No, I do not have to become an early morning workout-er. I can do them any time of day that suits my schedule but, by golly, I am the person who does her workout that day unless I’m physically ill. It’s 10+ minutes per day, but it can be barre or HIIT or yoga or whatever.

Do you have trouble being “disciplined” and sticking with your plan? Any rebels in the house with me? Holler!

Play with the concept of intentional flexibility.

Commit to one powerful goal. Set your minimum baseline or non-negotiable standards. Then decide in advance where you will allow flexibility.

And then allow yourself to exercise your flexibility.

Feel the power you have over yourself!

You do not have to tell yourself what to do all the time.

You can be spontaneous and wing it.

And you can reach your goals if you ask yourself to stay true to the most critical parts.

Thank goodness for the Rebels among us – we are fire starters!

But…make sure you don’t set yourself up and knock your future down.

Instead, imagine the Future You that you want to create.

Stay in integrity with the reason you set that goal, why you are willing to burn it all down to build up something new.

Triumphing over yourself is a subversive act of rebellion sometimes.

So, rage on, rebels.

Love you madly,

Lisa

P.S. Find your habit tendency using this quiz, if you like to play with this sort of thing.

P.P.S. Rebels are the least common tendency. Which we Rebels love to point out, like, all the time.

woman standing with her one leg — Photo by Wesley Tingey on Unsplash

What are you hungry for, anyway?

August 31, 2021 by LoveCoachLisa

Many of you know me from my relationship work, yet you might not know that I coach a LOT about body image and emotional eating.

They go hand in hand, in many cases.

Lack of intimacy can encourage seeking comfort in food, alcohol, or other indulgences to get a hit of “feel good.”

But the consequence of indulging in a craving can be feeling like a double loser.

First feeling bad. Then feeling bad about overdoing it, whatever “it” means.

Some people call this the “downward spiral” – how dramatic!

I think the secret to emotional mastery is learning how to slow down time.

Think of Neo dodging bullets in the Matrix super slow mo’ style.

You are Neo. The bullets are what prevents your favorite version of you from showing up in the moment.

Do you find yourself standing in front of the pantry looking for a little somethin’?

What are you hungry for?

Do you find yourself scrolling for hours on end?

What are you hungry for?

And will you find the answer to your hunger there?

Here’s the kicker…

Maybe there’s nothing that will answer your hunger and that’s just fine.

Craving seems to be a part of life, definitely a part of modern life.

We’re brainwashed sun up to sun down that “better” is on the other side of “whatever.”

Whatever we think we’re hungry for, life will be better when we get it.

But then we’ll just want something else.

So, in that moment of craving, avoid willpower or positive affirmations for self-judgement.

Just ask “what am I hungry for?” and listen with curiosity for the answer.

And don’t feel obligated to deliver anything in response to your answer.

Hungry for something to chew? Sure, I get that. Chewing is awesome.

Hungry for connection? Totally, I get that. It is awesome when I feel connected.

Hungry for excitement? Yeah, of course, that’s cool when it happens, right?

Curiosity, acknowledging the desire, and sticking with your plan.

Seriously, try this out a few times next week.

Notice the hunger. Ask what you’re hungry for. Then agree with the hunger without acting to make it go away.

I mean, of course we want to feel good all of the time. I’d love to give that version of life a try!

But I don’t have to.

I get to be as hungry as I want as often as I want.

Let the hunger be, and choose what’s best for me.

It really, truly, absolutely is that easy.

Love you madly,

LisaP.S. This kind of reminds me of the Jim Carrey quote: “I think everybody should get rich and famous and do everything they ever dreamed of so they can see that it’s not the answer.” Bonus homework: If being rich, famous, in love, thin, smart, full, connected isn’t “the answer”…what is?

man on front of vending machines at nighttime — Photo by Victoriano Izquierdo on Unsplash

Are you “too” something, too?

August 17, 2021 by LoveCoachLisa

So, what’s your excuse? 😉

Too busy? Too tired? Too late? Too young?

Too old?

That last one makes me chuckle.

I am celebrating my birthday this week. I think it’s funny when people say, “Oh, I’m too old to…”

Rubbish! Never too old.

I mean…what’s the upside to thinking you’re “too” anything?

I’ve got one upside! It’s a socially acceptable way to quit on your dreams. People will nod their heads and say, “Oh, yeah, I’m too something, too.”

The downside to excusing yourself from your dreams is obvious, too.

So, what do I believe to be true?

#1 I’m not too busy for the things that are most important to me. If I am, I need to get honest with myself and my choices.

#2 I’m not too late. The best time to plant an oak tree was 20 years ago. The second best time? Today.

#3 I am certainly not too old. The women in my family live into their 90s and 100s, so I might have a good few decades left. That’s plenty of time to create beautiful contributions and experiences.

Reflecting on the past year, I challenged myself with this question: “Who will I be this time next year?”

My own bullsh!t is the biggest obstacle between me and an improved future version of me.

But I get to take control of my mind and my actions.

Here’s our homework this week:

Write down 1 habit or lifestyle change that, when implemented, will change your life for the better.

Then, implement it.

Before it really is TOO late and you’re not around to do it anymore.

“My next 30 years will be the best years of my life.” – Tim McGraw

Damn skippy. Let’s GO!

Love you madly,

Lisa

P.S. Pro-tip: If you’re going to lie about your age, go WAY UP! Then you can enjoy the shock, surprise, and congratulations on how “good” you look for your age.

P.P.S. Here’s Tim McGraw’s “My Next Thirty Years” for all y’all.

P.P.P.S. Keep exercising your body, wit, and sense of humor. That’s what has the women in my family enjoying sassy, healthy lives into the triple digits!

grayscale photo of person holding pocket watch — Photo by Travis Essinger on Unsplash

My Favorite Question for Intense Moments

August 10, 2021 by LoveCoachLisa

Hello, lovely you!

Here’s a little gift – my favorite question.

Enjoy putting it into practice and watch what happens!

First, a little background.

Life happens around you. Unexpected situations come up. (I mean, we can expect that will happen!)

Sometimes those unexpected situations could be labeled “bad” or “negative.”

What’s your first reaction?

Most of the time, my first reaction to the “unpleasant unexpected” is annoyance, frustration, anger or disappointment.

That was the case for me last week. On one of my projects, the client asked for new work that would add weeks to an already tight timeline. Our carefully crafted plan went out the window because of an unplanned ask. I was Very Displeased. This is a serious project with significant financial impacts and we are getting derailed by an ask for something I labeled “completely unreasonable!”

“This should not be happening!!”

But it sure was!

The situation was happening, and my upset wasn’t going to change or improve it one tiny bit.

So, I pulled out my favorite tool for the unexpected:

“This is happening. So, now what?”

The “now what” part is code for my favorite question:

“How am I going to show up for myself in this situation?”

Notice how I turn the attention back to me, to my opinion of myself, and how I want to live through this part of my life’s movie.

I am not worrying about what other people think of me, whether I’ll make a “wrong” choice, or time traveling into the past or the future.

I pull myself into the moment to reflect. I tell myself, “I get the ultimate choice here. I get to decide how much this hijacks my energy. What do I want to choose on purpose?”

This question ”So, now what?” pauses time.

This situation is happening.

Flat tire? “This is happening. So, now what?”

Rejected by your partner? “This is happening. So, now what?”

Client freaking out about your company’s service? “This is happening. So, now what?”

Kid refusing to [fill in the blank]. “This is happening. So, now what?”

This gives me time to answer my question.

I choose on purpose to notice my heart racing.

I choose to feel the feelings and not try to “fix” the feeling or make it – poof! – disappear.

I choose to own which part is mine to keep – how I react and respond – and which parts of the situation are for others to take responsibility for.

I step into the person I choose to be in that moment.

If you practice this 100 times or 1000 times, I guarantee you will not be the same person.

You’ll have an emotional mastery that makes you feel like a total boss.

Enjoy!

Love you madly,

Lisa

two white wooden doors with grills — Photo by Erol Ahmed on Unsplash

One way ticket, destination unknown! (Fun or terrifying??)

August 3, 2021 by LoveCoachLisa

man sitting on gang chair with feet on luggage looking at airplane — Photo by JESHOOTS.COM on Unsplash

Hello, beautiful you!

Imagine this scenario…

You are provided instructions to go to the airport to fly somewhere.

You are not told where you are going.

Or what the weather will be like.

Or how long you’ll be there.

What thought and/or feeling popped up when reading this?

Do you feel anxious or incredulous?

Do you feel intrigued or excited?

We live our lives as if knowing the trip details will help us get prepared and, well, I suppose that works a fair amount of the time.

Once in a while, though, our inner wisdom (or whatever you label it) will deliver an instruction with scanty details.

“Write a book.”

“It’s time to change jobs.”

“Do not marry this person.”

Have you ever had information that seemed to come into your awareness like this?

Reflect on your response.

Remember whether you ignored or followed your own Bold Guidance from The Deep.

Consider how happy you are with that choice in retrospect.

I am in the middle of a situation like this. The long and short of it is that I was asked to go to the airport and wait for the next clue. Metaphorically speaking.

Back in the olden times, I would have ignored such an ambiguous suggestion or tried to reason with it or done hours of research to resolve the ambiguity.

Instead, I shrugged, grabbed a carry on with 2 days of essentials, and headed out. Metaphorically speaking.

“Old me” would have freaked out to even contemplate this scenario, much less respond with nonchalance.

“Now me” is up for the adventure.

I have 100% trust that, when I take steps, more options seem to appear.

Having trust in this inspired guidance shows the power of coaching for me.

No fret, no sweat.

I’m not always this cool and collected, but this “all good, I’ve got this” mindset is becoming more of my day than “old me” could have imagined in her wildest dreams. Which means…

“Future me” has a mindset for living that “now me” cannot even imagine or describe.

I think that’s cool! I am super excited to create-slash-meet this person!

Here is my invitation to you: Keep moving forward while listening. Encourage a plot twist in your wild and precious life.

What would that be like for you?

Love you madly,

Lisa

P.S. I picked a Word of the Month for the fun of it! Mine is “DELIGHT.” Want to pick one for August, too?

Get fun email from Lisa!

Future Self