Most of us are taught algebra. Writing. How to operate a vehicle.
We often are not taught how to be emotionally adult, either by example or through outright teaching.
Instead, this is what we see modeled for us:
“When you do this, I feel…”
“I want/need this and I need you to do that…”
But…mature people own that they create their own feelings. Mature people meet their own needs.
They want to contribute to relationships more than just get something back from another adult.
You know what I see in my clients?
An understanding that mature people are sexy.
One of the most common dynamics that I see when I start working with people?
Partners believe they are responsible for their partner’s feelings.
One of the most common results that my clients create when working with me?
One or both partners take more responsibility for creating and asking for what they want, including the emotional connection they want.
And the result can be…
To be clear, people are often doing their best given the messaging common in most cultures, which is “If you do this action/behavior, I’ll feel better/happy/loved/secure.”
Talk about giving away your power. Yikes!
And sex is often a casualty of a weird power imbalance (real or imagined) where people give away responsibility for their own emotional and physical satisfaction.
The solution? Learning how to take beautiful responsibility for yourself.
Knowing what you want. Making a plan to make it happen.
Mature people are confident.
Confidence is sexy.
This week, pay attention to times when you might think you’re responsible for how another person feels or when you think their actions “make” you feel something.
Practice this thought: “I love meeting my own needs and then giving generously when it is my choice.”
Love you madly,