Imagine we were meeting for coffee or tea. In person. (I know! How fun!)
Would you say anything like this about your relationship?
“My relationship is okay for the most part.
I want more connection, though.
But… I really, really don’t want the uncomfortable conversations that might get us there.”
What is the most curious word in that set of thoughts?
Why do we assume that bringing up a wish with the person we’re committed to will be uncomfortable?
Hmmmm, isn’t that interesting?
Somewhere along the way, some of us learned that having A Very Serious Conversation About Sex will be Very, Very Uncomfortable.
Because sex is supposed to be natural. Easy. You know, like all the other best things in life. Ha!
We often learn about relationships through observation instead of being taught. And we have expectations set by popular culture.
But life is not a musical. Real relationships are not a singing, dancing scene between passionate lovers.
It’s not supposed to be naturally easy, always spontaneous and passionate.
Reestablishing a sexual connection can take effort, including working through emotionally connecting.
Learning to have these kinds of conversations takes skill. The conversation itself needn’t be uncomfortable.
Asking for what you want starts with really, truly knowing and feeling comfortable with what you want in the first place.
This week, if you find yourself thinking, “I wish we were more connected!” imagine…
…that your words spoke it into being.
What would “more connected” look like to you? How would you be thinking about your partner? How would you be thinking about you?
To practice this, take 5-10 minutes to close your eyes, breathe deeply, and imagine you and your partner having a conversation about your relationship. Does your mind like what it imagines, or does it list a bunch of complaints about what could go wrong? This mental exercise can reveal the work you can do on you before talking with your partner.