Recently, a person I work with regularly asked how I can seem so calm in the face of high demands.
The answer is nuanced yet simple:
- I’m not always calm…I just try to only take action when I’m able to show up the way I prefer. And…
- I try not to let the weather other people are demonstrating set my inner thermostat.
My life. My mind. My body.
My inner weather.
One of the challenges I see in these modern times is the tendency to match intensity.
Relationship conversation getting tense? The reactions are typically intense, whether the respondent decides to exit or leaning in.
Clients frustrated and demanding? Oh, dear, escalation! React, react, react!
Yet I find that cooler heads prevail in almost every situation.
This is not something I am naturally good at.
At all. I’ve been known to be what they call “hot headed.” Yeah I am!!
That’s fine.
My reactions are normal and don’t necessarily need to be rewired.
But I can monitor my thermostat.
I know that there are at least 3 steps in response to almost every input our mind receives:
- The automatic reaction
- The reaction to the reaction
- The choice for how to respond
We may not be able to control the automatic reaction. It’s exhausting to do so, I find.
Yet we can learn the art of reacting with compassion and self-trust to however our mind reacts.
Then we get to choose how to respond.
If a client is throwing a bona fide hissy fit, it might make me feel angry or even fearful (“did I do something wrong?”).
I can react to this reaction by saying, “Yeah, it makes sense that this would cause me to react strongly.”
Then I check my thermostat and say, “Oh, I respond best when my body is set at this temperature.”
I don’t respond when my thermostat doesn’t match my mood.
I let the temperature go down from angry to confident, then I respond.
The reverse is true, too.
If my mood is cool – disinterested, sleepy – I might warm up before I respond.
I don’t want to give a talk and be yawning from the stage, for example.
I monitor my own thermostat – MINE.
My life. My mind. My body.
My inner weather.
People around me cannot set my thermostat.
I do. My job. My privilege. My self-awareness to do so.
This is one of the recipes for a less stress, more fun life – monitoring your own thermostat and responding according to who you want to BE vs. what everyone around you is doing.
How can you use this fun metaphor to be more calm, cool, collected, and confident yourself?Â
P.S. I invite you to fall in love with the “Less Stress, More Fun” podcast. Subscribe today! Each week’s episodes offer smart, fun ideas to reduce stress and boost your sense of playfulness.
