When is enoughā¦enough?
I noticed something somewhat unusual recently.
I like empty rooms and calendars.
I like the sensations of a full belly and gas tank.
This came up when I was planning a short water fast. Iāve done them before and I liked the results.
But this time, I had so much resistance and I found I wasnāt sticking to my plan.
Around the same time, I noticed a lot of anxiety during the work day when the calendar is either too full or too empty.
How curious!
Itās like I have a set point of comfort in these situations.
I put my master coach hat on and started to look for patterns.
There are places in my life where I crave the sensation of āempty.ā Itās spacious and calming and freeing.
There are places in my life where I avoid āempty.ā Itās unusual and ominous. (I even did a podcast episode about ātoo quietā!)
One of the best things that has happened in my coach journey is learning that our minds donāt need to subscribe to what we label ābeing logical.ā My mind and body can and will have sensations that are utterly ridiculous.
I love this. And itās usually an opportunity to learn something about how my mind works.
When I understand how my mind works, I can see the logical fallacies and work on choosing something else. Easy!
I started to become a detective of where in my life I prefer āemptyā and where in my life I prefer āfull.ā
What does it mean when I stand in an empty room? Why does a full belly have a connection to my sense of being safe?
Why does exploring this topic even matter??
Ultimately, I saw that a lot of my habits were a quest for a sense of security.
Empty to-do list? Iām good, valuable, and productive – safe!
Empty work calendar? Iām not valuable enough – unsafe!
Full belly but having an extra serving anyway? I donāt know when it might run out, so have it now – safe!
Full calendar of after work events? I will be stressed and feel like I canāt control my time – unsafe!
Nowā¦againā¦these are not necessarily logical conclusions my mind is making.
Seeing how my mind is reacting helps me understand that the fast schedule I want to adopt isnāt about saying no to breakfast. Instead, itās about what experiences have historically created a sense of safety for myself.
And minds will fight to keep us safe according to their pre-programmed paradigms.
I didnāt have to do anything. I just noticed. Asked questions. Treated myself like the most fascinating interview subject and I was the lucky journalist to get the exclusive interview.
And I softened into the safety of the lovingly curious relationship with myself.
Most of us try to change habits through doing, doing, doing!
But what if true habit change is easier, more fun, and effortless when the primary action is listening to why weāre having the reactions weāre having in the first place.
Iām seeing āemptyā and āfullā as triggers for my habit reactions everywhere in my life now.
Empty vs. full around eating and drinking, working and playing, socializing and being alone.
This is great news because I see it as an indicator that maybe thereās something else going on.
What about you?
What are your habit responses to āemptyā and āfullā in your life and what can you learn about how this affects your habits?Ā
P.S. I invite you to fall in love with the āLess Stress, More Funā podcast. Subscribe today! Each weekās episodes offer smart, fun ideas to reduce stress and boost your sense of playfulness.