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    Lisa Schwaller Coaching

    Certified Life Coach

    mind control

    The Best Case Scenario

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    Hello, dreamer!

    Our minds love to wander. Consider a goal that you want, a desire that you have.

    Watch your mind tell stories about what it would be like.

    Does your mind tend to be positive or negative?
    Most minds have a bias for the protective or risk averse, which is often labeled as “negative.”

    This can be a challenge when trying to access your creativity.

    Think of a decision you are contemplating or a goal that you are working toward.

    Notice if your mind is trying to plan for the worst case scenario.

    Worst case scenario is not real. It’s a made up thought about a made up future, a future where you are certain that you will feel something you don’t want to feel.

    “If I try to improve my relationship with my partner…I’ll just drive him further away…and then the relationship will end…then I’ll be filled with regret.” (Regret = feeling not a fact)

    Worst case scenario thinking is useful when used intentionally. It can point out opportunities, obstacles that you can plan for in advance.

    What is the best case scenario?

    Let’s ask our brain to provide this point of view for consideration, as well.

    “If I try to show up as a better relationship partner…I’ll ask myself to be more honest with both my desires as well as tell the truth about what I suck at in this relationship…which will connect me with how much power I have over creating the relationship I want…which will have me living a life of integrity…which will feel super bada$$.” 

    (Tangent! Super bada$$, for the sake of today’s teaching, is a feeling. Not a fact. Still pretty cool. Most people would vote “yes” for “I feel super bada$$” any time, any day.)

    I joke with my clients when they start going down the “Sure Road to Doomsville” in their mind, “Gee, that sounds TERRIBLE! You should definitely keep your life the same and avoid this dream! But first, have you considered the best case scenario? Let’s consider another viewpoint.”

    Often, the best case scenario – in the best case – is showing up in a very intentional, self-trusting, empowered way.

    One empowering life motto is: “I take responsibility for myself and today’s choices.”

    I cannot begin to describe the freedom – FREEDOM! – experienced when I let other people be themselves, accepting as is, no upgrades or changes needed. None. None. None.

    I set them free in my mind and free myself in the process.

    You are in your power.

    You cannot control circumstances or other people’s choices.

    You control how you think, feel, and behave.

    Best case scenario feels real and true when I’m in my best self.

    Revisit that decision you are contemplating or that goal you are working toward.

    Ask “what is best case scenario here?” and answer with only “I” statements.

    “I create…”
    “I show up…”
    “I ask…”
    “I commit to…”
    “I enjoy…”
    “I am willing to feel…”

    I challenge you to do this exercise without expecting a person, place, or thing to be part of the results.

    It’s a great addition to your toolkit of how to make decisions. Use “best case scenario”  when you think you’re “stuck” or “confused” and tap into your innate creativity.

    Does that sound like a good scenario?

    P.S. Please click here to sign up for my free video + PDF “3 Ways to Reduce Stress TODAY!”

    purple and silver keychain on white paper
    Photo by Tengyart on Unsplash

    Monsters in Your Mind? That’s okay!

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    Do you have monsters in your head?

    In August, I re-upped my Netflix for a few weeks because of a comedy special I wanted to watch. (See P.P.S.)

    I also watched “The Witcher” series 1 and found it to be a delicious alternate universe.

    In episode 3, Geralt, our friendly neighborhood Witcher, battles a Striga, a cursed woman “filled with hatred for all living beings.” (See P.S.)

    The Striga screams. She is hungry and angry and strong and, well, quite good at her job of obliterating her meal.

    Ever had a craving for something (or to avoid something) that felt like a primal scream of hunger?

    Recently I eliminated a food product to see if it would make me feel more energetic.

    I told myself, “Prepare to entertain your inner Striga.”

    I even put a beautiful artful drawing of Striga as my phone background.

    I decided in advance that I was not going to see Striga as a demanding, terrifying monster.

    And it worked!

    I would have an urge, hearing the Striga’s scream, “EAT THIS NOW!”

    Striga was just me, a woman “cursed” with a craving, and a craving is nothing more than a brain message encouraging me to action.

    Want to know what happened?

    First, I became friends with Striga.

    She would come shrieking and I was actually kind of happy to “see” her. My mind said, “Oh, yes, I figured you’d be here. How’s it going today?” Striga didn’t have power over me. My decision was my source of power.

    Second, Striga didn’t find the friendship mutually satisfying. Ha!

    Without my “Oh, no! An urge to eat this! I am powerless to resist! Get in my belly!” reaction, well, I didn’t support her purpose in life. I still have the phone wallpaper and I wish she’d stop by…kinda miss that shriek.

    Where is my Striga these days? Who knows.

    I probably need to set a bigger goal, make another decision that challenges me enough to be worthy of Striga’s appearance.

    What about you?

    What are the creatures that tempt you away from your dreams?

    Befriend them. See the purpose for their being there.

    Above all, do not identify with your mind’s creatures and other voices of dissent.

    YOU are the one who set the mighty goal worthy of such opposition.

    And YOU have the power to triumph, perhaps not with might and fight but with friendliness.

    Now, isn’t that a new idea?

    Love you madly,

    Lisa

    P.S. Want to learn about Striga and see my phone wallpaper photo? Check out this fan page.

    P.P.S. Bo Burnham’s “Inside” really knocked my socks off! I suspect Bo had to deal with his own inner Strigas to create this work of art with so much detail, heart, and vulnerability. Do you know how much internal resistance artists overcome to bring work into the world? My admiration is beyond words.

    P.P.P.S. The Witcher season 2 comes out in December and I will be planning a winter holiday watch of all that cinematic goodness.

    yellow and black alien illustration
    Photo by Marloes Hilckmann on Unsplash

    Fizzy Bubbles & Swamp Bubbles

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    Why, hello, there!

    Today I’m going to share a metaphor that is a fun way to describe our brain.

    Thoughts are bubbles.

    Fizzy bubbles rising into our awareness, neither good nor bad.

    Sometimes life experiences sink to the bottom of our mind and compost.

    Things get swampy down there below our day-to-day thinking.

    I call bubbles rising from that composted stuff “swamp bubbles.”

    Thoughts we don’t choose on purpose are just nothin’ but bubbles.

    Light. Transitory. Meaningless on their own.

    I love the image of “thought are bubbles” in my mind.

    Blip, pop, up they rise into my conscious awareness and sometimes pass just as quickly.

    I used to worship the bubbles and think, “What do the bubbles tell me to do?!?”

    I would shake the bottle to get more bubbles to move.

    “Think! Think! Figure it out! More bubbles will help me find the right bubbles, I’m sure of it”

    I used to try to use thinking to solve my thought problems.

    “I am confused about these bubbles so let’s get some more bubbles in here!”

    BUBBLES!!!!

    It seems that we have a strong cultural bias for intelligent action.

    Making a “good” decision using our thoughts, then doing the stuff the good thoughts tell us to do.

    That’s the ideal, right?

    But can you trust your thinking?

    I sure don’t, not anymore!

    Here’s an example:

    I love walking my dog, Bailey. Except when I don’t.

    “Look at her sniffing the grass. She’s so in the moment. And look at the sunset – the entire sky looks pink and orange!” – and – 

    “Are you really going to sniff this grass this long? I’m getting bored. And we’re missing the best part of the sunset – I can’t see it from this part of the street!”

    This literally could be different thought bubbles floating up within 2 minutes of each other.

    So which one is the “real” me?

    This one, that one, both or neither?

    “I’m not good enough” rises from the swamp just as readily as “I’m a freakin’ rock star!”

    I love some of my fizzy thought bubbles. And some of them I simply label “swamp bubbles” and ignore.

    The less I think about my thinking, the lighter I feel.

    And light and open and playful are all feelings that help me enjoy the living of my life.

    Give it a try this week!

    When you notice getting wrapped up in your thoughts, pause and say, “BUBBLES!”

    See if this playful response causes you to see the situation more lightly.

    Love you madly,

    Lisa

    P.S. Have you seen the movie “Finding Nemo”? MY BUBBLES!!! See a clip here!

    The Past

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    How much time do you spend living in your past?

    Answer my questions and we’ll see!

    In a job interview, how do you answer this request: “Tell me about yourself.”

    Are you a good parent or friend? Really? Why?

    What’s your ideal weight? Why?

    How much will you earn in 2021? What is the basis for your answer?

    Chances are that your answers were based in your past, either directly or indirectly.

    You may have selected more positive or negative experiences to create your answer. Isn’t that fascinating?

    One of the best things about being a coach is being present with the client’s future.

    My clients love to tell me about the past. At a minimum, they think it sets context.

    But…the past has zero bearing on the client’s potential to create their future.

    Zero.

    Releasing the hold on the past can set you free.

    I love this quote because it reminds me to live into my future…from the future.

    It’s one of the skills that my clients cultivate when working with me.

    If this speaks to you, call me for a consult!

    I want to be your coach! Sign up for a free consultation.  

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    Second Chances (or Third or Ninety-Second Chances)

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    You made a mistake. You are working on forgiving yourself by thinking helpful thoughts.

    Time to move on. 

    Do you think you deserve second chances? How do you feel about other people getting second chances?

    Do you think some mistakes are so unforgivable that the person should never get another chance?

    A lot of stress in our relationships – including the one with ourselves! – is the feeling that past performance is an indicator of future results. 

    Maybe that’s true sometimes. 

    Maybe not. 

    What if every choice, every interaction, every chance is a new start? 

    One of my favorite phrases is this:

    “You win or you learn.”

    You wouldn’t see a baby learning to walk and say, “Yeah, pfft, that kid will never learn. She should stick to crawling.”

    But we say that to ourselves and the people in our lives all day long. 

    A key part of coaching is the belief that each day brings a new chance. 

    It’s your thoughts and actions TODAY that matter to me as your coach. What you did yesterday was learning. I believe everything is possible to you today and tomorrow no matter what you did yesterday or last year or what happened to you when you were 8. 

    The power of coaching is the belief that we get unlimited chances and have unlimited opportunity. 

    How. Cool. Is. That?

    I want to be your coach! Sign up for a free consultation.  

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    Forgiving Yourself

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    Last time, we talked about noticing your response to making mistakes.

    I suggested that how you view mistakes and how you feel about yourself when you make them is a contributor to your stress.

    You and I are going to make mistakes. No matter how we plan and prepare, sometimes things do not go the way we expect them to go. 

    We might mess up when no one notices, or in front of someone important to us. 

    Some of us have a really strong self-critical response to making a mistake. 

    “How could I have been so stupid to…?”

    “When will I ever learn that…?”

    “I knew I wasn’t good enough for…”

    Forgiving yourself isn’t a woo-woo self-care exercise. It’s a key part of managing your brain. It’s essential to developing the resiliency to handle stress. 

    A few thoughts on your self-talk when you make a mistake:

    • When you make a mistake, do you talk to yourself like you’d talk to your child or your best friend?
    • Where did you learn to talk to yourself like that? 
    • When you make a mistake, is how you talk to yourself helpful?

    At the end of the day, the secret to managing stress is to love yourself so much that you develop the habit of noticing your thoughts and choosing ones that help you. 

    You may worry that being nice to yourself will encourage you to “get away with” sub-standard behavior. I think being critical is a blocker to managing your stress for better performance. 

    So, you made a mistake. How do you move on? Perhaps think helpful thoughts like:

    • Well, now I learned a way that I do NOT want to do this next time.
    • Humans make mistakes. I’m human. Chances are, I’ll make a mistake too, then. 

    When you think helpful thoughts, you open the door to a second chance which I’ll talk about next time. 

    I want to be your coach! Want to know more about my coaching approach? Sign up for a free consultation.  

    Subscribe to my newsletter to get these blog posts by mail. 

    Making Mistakes

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    How do you feel when you make a mistake?

    Do you have a different feeling when you make a big mistake instead of a small mistake?

    Do you feel differently about your mistake when only you notice versus when the mistake happens in front of someone else?

    Understanding how you respond to your missteps is a key part of learning how to control your stress. 

    Stress is usually about unmet expectations, for yourself or the situations and people in your life. 

    The word “should” is an indicator that your mind might be generating stress.

    Recently I had an experience where I felt like I made a big mistake. I’ve worked very deliberately to become a “better” version of myself. On that night, I stepped into an old habit and it happened in front of someone else. Someone that I’m trying to “convince” that I’ve “changed.” 

    So many things are wrong with that situation, including trying to craft my behaviors to get a response from someone else. For now, though, we’ll stick with me feeling like I’d made a “big mistake” and “blew it” – meaning I risked the relationship I am trying to cultivate. My mind went crazy. 

    You know that phrase “the beatings will continue until morale improves”? Yep. That was me, 100%, in my brain.

    I’ve noticed that I have often seen mistakes as evidence that I wasn’t smart or good enough, or that behavior changes weren’t going to “stick”. 

    That thinking generates a lot of stress for me. 

    This week, pay attention to how you talk to yourself about your mistakes. Pay attention to events that you label mistakes. 

    Next time, we’ll talk about the process of forgiving ourselves in a new way. 

    I want to be your coach! Sign up for a free consultation.  

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    So, what is stress anyway?

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    What is stress?

    It’s such a common topic of conversation. Stress. Stress out. Too much stress.

    But…what is stress?

    I think most of us would describe stress as…

    • A feeling
    • A situation
    • Something that is created when life gets busy
    • Something that is created by the demands from other people

    Consider the following, though.

    Can you create your own stress? 

    How can 2 people have different responses to one situation that “causes” the “stress”?

    I know that this is getting a little meta, but consider opening your mind to the idea that stress is nothing more than a word describing a set of internal, mental responses.

    Is riding on a roller coaster fun? Scary? Stressful? What about a scary movie? Would you describe that as stressful?

    Today’s challenge is to start to pay attention to when you use the word “stress”. What exactly are you labeling?

    What if…it was not the situation that caused you stress…but your mental reaction to that situation?

    Reflect on that today. You might start to notice something shift in your awareness. 

    I love working with people who are “stressed out”. Teaching you to control your stress and rise above it lets you make decisions from a clean, clear powerful place.

    I want to be your coach! Sign up for a free consultation.  

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