reflections

When is enough…enough?

I noticed something somewhat unusual recently.

I like empty rooms and calendars.

I like the sensations of a full belly and gas tank.

This came up when I was planning a short water fast. I’ve done them before and I liked the results.

But this time, I had so much resistance and I found I wasn’t sticking to my plan.

Around the same time, I noticed a lot of anxiety during the work day when the calendar is either too full or too empty.

How curious!

It’s like I have a set point of comfort in these situations.

I put my master coach hat on and started to look for patterns.

There are places in my life where I crave the sensation of “empty.” It’s spacious and calming and freeing.

There are places in my life where I avoid “empty.” It’s unusual and ominous. (I even did a podcast episode about “too quiet”!)

One of the best things that has happened in my coach journey is learning that our minds don’t need to subscribe to what we label “being logical.” My mind and body can and will have sensations that are utterly ridiculous.

I love this. And it’s usually an opportunity to learn something about how my mind works.

When I understand how my mind works, I can see the logical fallacies and work on choosing something else. Easy!

I started to become a detective of where in my life I prefer “empty” and where in my life I prefer “full.”

What does it mean when I stand in an empty room? Why does a full belly have a connection to my sense of being safe?

Why does exploring this topic even matter??

Ultimately, I saw that a lot of my habits were a quest for a sense of security.

Empty to-do list? I’m good, valuable, and productive – safe!

Empty work calendar? I’m not valuable enough – unsafe!

Full belly but having an extra serving anyway? I don’t know when it might run out, so have it now – safe!

Full calendar of after work events? I will be stressed and feel like I can’t control my time – unsafe!

Now…again…these are not necessarily logical conclusions my mind is making.

Seeing how my mind is reacting helps me understand that the fast schedule I want to adopt isn’t about saying no to breakfast. Instead, it’s about what experiences have historically created a sense of safety for myself.

And minds will fight to keep us safe according to their pre-programmed paradigms.

I didn’t have to do anything. I just noticed. Asked questions. Treated myself like the most fascinating interview subject and I was the lucky journalist to get the exclusive interview.

And I softened into the safety of the lovingly curious relationship with myself.

Most of us try to change habits through doing, doing, doing!

But what if true habit change is easier, more fun, and effortless when the primary action is listening to why we’re having the reactions we’re having in the first place.

I’m seeing “empty” and “full” as triggers for my habit reactions everywhere in my life now.

Empty vs. full around eating and drinking, working and playing, socializing and being alone.

This is great news because I see it as an indicator that maybe there’s something else going on.

What about you?

What are your habit responses to “empty” and “full” in your life and what can you learn about how this affects your habits?

P.S. I invite you to fall in love with the “Less Stress, More Fun” podcast. Subscribe today! Each week’s episodes offer smart, fun ideas to reduce stress and boost your sense of playfulness.

people sitting on bench near building during nighttime — Photo by Ahmer Kalam on Unsplash

Hello, students,

Do you consider yourself a lifelong learner?

I like back to school vibes because it reminds me of being a kid.

Practicing packing things into my backpack just so. New pencils and pens.

A new beginning.

Who would I meet? What would I learn? How would I change?

I was super introspective even as a child. 🙂

Would I embarrass myself? Is this the right outfit to wear? Will anyone be my friend?

I was human even as a child, my brain installed with all the usual social frets and worries. 🙂

I was in a new school almost every year, although my dad tried to arrange changing cities and schools so that we’d start at the beginning rather than move in the middle of the school year.

Maybe that’s why back to school is extra meaningful for me.

Each August or September, I walked into a new ecosystem, an invading cell from some other ecosystem.

It was up to me to find clusters of friends, activities and habits that would feel like home.

Every new school year, I decided to feel like an explorer. (“Awkward new kid” is absolutely not my vibe!)

What’s here in this exotic new place?

Moving and being in new schools frequently shaped me a LOT.

This week, reflect on your own back to school experiences.

What did it mean for you socially, academically, logistically?

How did your family relationships inform your school experience?

My 14 year old son and I were talking the other day and he said, “I prefer to keep my school and personal lives separate.” That cracked me up, but it also says a lot about how he sees life.

He has formed stories about “how life works” from the school/home/activities life experiences he’s had.

And he’ll carry these stories into adulthood including relationships, careers, and – of course! – his self-concept.

Coaching doesn’t linger in the past, yet it can be helpful to reflect on how our stories about life were formed.

Recognize that the stories and interpretations you formed are totally arbitrary.

Being in a new school every year taught me that “the rules” of “society” and how “friendships work” and what’s “normal” are more ecosystem dependent than most people might think.

What’s normal here is not typical there.

I learned that beliefs about right and wrong behaviors are much more permeable than most people think. What an interesting perspective to have on the world as a child, and I’m very grateful for those experiences.

Write down 5-7 beliefs about the world that you learned from your elementary or junior high/middle school experiences.

Then ask yourself how that informs your identity, including how you tend to be open to learning new thoughts and behaviors.

Take yourself “back to school” in your mind to see what comes up for you.

Love you madly,

Lisa

P.S. Can you imagine growing up with a life coach as a parent? I suppose time will tell if my sons consider it an advantage.🤷🏻‍♀️ Our systems of origin and the people in it have powerful impacts on our storytelling mind. How much of our social mindset is inherited from generations gone by?

Random Thoughts on “Empty” and “Full” | Habits

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reflections