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    Lisa Schwaller Coaching

    Certified Life Coach

    thought work

    She’s a Good Habitat!

    by

    Lisa Schwaller Coaching
    A happy habitat for a timeless soul!

    Oh, yes, I’m a good habitat for my soul.

    Do you like being the habitat for your soul?

    One of the areas that comes up for my clients very frequently is comfort in their bodies…or lack of comfort in their bodies.

    For so many reasons, a lot of us have a conflicted relationship with the physical form that allows us to experience our human life.

    Recently, I took my dog for a mid-day walk. The sun was shining and a breeze was rustling through the leaves.

    I started to wiggle and shimmy in delight for my feelings, the pure animal sensation of being on earth to have that experience.

    And I had the brilliant thought, “Oh, yes, she’s a good habitat!”

    (“She” being me.)

    Spend time thinking about your body.

    Your body, a unique combination of cells and electricity…

    …allows you to read this article…

    …and hold the people you love tightly…

    …and enables you to walk toward all of your dreams.

    What would life be like without your body?

    No life, at least no more human life.

    How do you think of your body?

    Do you think that it’s amazing? It is! One in billions, not another one like it.

    Do you spend time wishing it were bigger, smaller, thinner, taller?

    Do you admire your reflection in the mirror or avoid making eye contact?

    Do you squeeze yourself in a hug or squeeze your love handles in disgust?

    Here are 5 ways you can appreciate your habitat:

    1. Look at yourself in the mirror, really look. Notice how you think about the reflection. Are you kind or critical?
    2. Wiggle your parts. Wiggle your fingers, toes, shoulders and nose. Consider how many amazing mechanics go into those movements, tendons and muscles and nerves.
    3. Practice yoga nidra. Find a video on YouTube and enjoy the guided tour of your body.
    4. Close your eyes to listen and smell. Feel the sensation of air passing in and out of your nose, whether it’s warm or cold, soft or intense.
    5. List 10 things that your body does to get you through each day and thank your body out loud for each one.

    It seems too easy to discount our bodies except as a way to gain acceptance, ours or another person’s.

    It seems too common for people to have a conditional relationship with their physical form, only loving it “if” it’s the right shape, texture, or color.

    Parents and pet owners often know what it’s like to unconditionally love a body. Most parents look at their babies and marvel at every single perfect part.

    I love when my sweet dog, Bailey, sleeps upside down and her paws are akimbo in pure relaxation.

    Her sense of safety makes me feel content.

    I once had the thought that the way I felt about my babies is the way my own parents thought about me, most likely.

    That I was perfect and adorable just the way I was, every strawberry blonde ringlet of hair on my head.

    If someone could feel that way about my body – even once – it means that option is on the menu for me, too.

    Over time, my relationship with my body has become so much more respectful. Loving.

    Celebratory!

    Oh, yes, this body of mine? A good, good habitat. The literal vehicle for my thoughts and dreams, actions and achievements.

    I wish wholeheartedly for you to develop a loving relationship with your beautiful, human body.

    P.S. Please click here to sign up for my free video + PDF “3 Ways to Reduce Stress TODAY!”

    The Best Case Scenario

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    Hello, dreamer!

    Our minds love to wander. Consider a goal that you want, a desire that you have.

    Watch your mind tell stories about what it would be like.

    Does your mind tend to be positive or negative?
    Most minds have a bias for the protective or risk averse, which is often labeled as “negative.”

    This can be a challenge when trying to access your creativity.

    Think of a decision you are contemplating or a goal that you are working toward.

    Notice if your mind is trying to plan for the worst case scenario.

    Worst case scenario is not real. It’s a made up thought about a made up future, a future where you are certain that you will feel something you don’t want to feel.

    “If I try to improve my relationship with my partner…I’ll just drive him further away…and then the relationship will end…then I’ll be filled with regret.” (Regret = feeling not a fact)

    Worst case scenario thinking is useful when used intentionally. It can point out opportunities, obstacles that you can plan for in advance.

    What is the best case scenario?

    Let’s ask our brain to provide this point of view for consideration, as well.

    “If I try to show up as a better relationship partner…I’ll ask myself to be more honest with both my desires as well as tell the truth about what I suck at in this relationship…which will connect me with how much power I have over creating the relationship I want…which will have me living a life of integrity…which will feel super bada$$.” 

    (Tangent! Super bada$$, for the sake of today’s teaching, is a feeling. Not a fact. Still pretty cool. Most people would vote “yes” for “I feel super bada$$” any time, any day.)

    I joke with my clients when they start going down the “Sure Road to Doomsville” in their mind, “Gee, that sounds TERRIBLE! You should definitely keep your life the same and avoid this dream! But first, have you considered the best case scenario? Let’s consider another viewpoint.”

    Often, the best case scenario – in the best case – is showing up in a very intentional, self-trusting, empowered way.

    One empowering life motto is: “I take responsibility for myself and today’s choices.”

    I cannot begin to describe the freedom – FREEDOM! – experienced when I let other people be themselves, accepting as is, no upgrades or changes needed. None. None. None.

    I set them free in my mind and free myself in the process.

    You are in your power.

    You cannot control circumstances or other people’s choices.

    You control how you think, feel, and behave.

    Best case scenario feels real and true when I’m in my best self.

    Revisit that decision you are contemplating or that goal you are working toward.

    Ask “what is best case scenario here?” and answer with only “I” statements.

    “I create…”
    “I show up…”
    “I ask…”
    “I commit to…”
    “I enjoy…”
    “I am willing to feel…”

    I challenge you to do this exercise without expecting a person, place, or thing to be part of the results.

    It’s a great addition to your toolkit of how to make decisions. Use “best case scenario”  when you think you’re “stuck” or “confused” and tap into your innate creativity.

    Does that sound like a good scenario?

    P.S. Please click here to sign up for my free video + PDF “3 Ways to Reduce Stress TODAY!”

    purple and silver keychain on white paper
    Photo by Tengyart on Unsplash

    Monsters in Your Mind? That’s okay!

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    Do you have monsters in your head?

    In August, I re-upped my Netflix for a few weeks because of a comedy special I wanted to watch. (See P.P.S.)

    I also watched “The Witcher” series 1 and found it to be a delicious alternate universe.

    In episode 3, Geralt, our friendly neighborhood Witcher, battles a Striga, a cursed woman “filled with hatred for all living beings.” (See P.S.)

    The Striga screams. She is hungry and angry and strong and, well, quite good at her job of obliterating her meal.

    Ever had a craving for something (or to avoid something) that felt like a primal scream of hunger?

    Recently I eliminated a food product to see if it would make me feel more energetic.

    I told myself, “Prepare to entertain your inner Striga.”

    I even put a beautiful artful drawing of Striga as my phone background.

    I decided in advance that I was not going to see Striga as a demanding, terrifying monster.

    And it worked!

    I would have an urge, hearing the Striga’s scream, “EAT THIS NOW!”

    Striga was just me, a woman “cursed” with a craving, and a craving is nothing more than a brain message encouraging me to action.

    Want to know what happened?

    First, I became friends with Striga.

    She would come shrieking and I was actually kind of happy to “see” her. My mind said, “Oh, yes, I figured you’d be here. How’s it going today?” Striga didn’t have power over me. My decision was my source of power.

    Second, Striga didn’t find the friendship mutually satisfying. Ha!

    Without my “Oh, no! An urge to eat this! I am powerless to resist! Get in my belly!” reaction, well, I didn’t support her purpose in life. I still have the phone wallpaper and I wish she’d stop by…kinda miss that shriek.

    Where is my Striga these days? Who knows.

    I probably need to set a bigger goal, make another decision that challenges me enough to be worthy of Striga’s appearance.

    What about you?

    What are the creatures that tempt you away from your dreams?

    Befriend them. See the purpose for their being there.

    Above all, do not identify with your mind’s creatures and other voices of dissent.

    YOU are the one who set the mighty goal worthy of such opposition.

    And YOU have the power to triumph, perhaps not with might and fight but with friendliness.

    Now, isn’t that a new idea?

    Love you madly,

    Lisa

    P.S. Want to learn about Striga and see my phone wallpaper photo? Check out this fan page.

    P.P.S. Bo Burnham’s “Inside” really knocked my socks off! I suspect Bo had to deal with his own inner Strigas to create this work of art with so much detail, heart, and vulnerability. Do you know how much internal resistance artists overcome to bring work into the world? My admiration is beyond words.

    P.P.P.S. The Witcher season 2 comes out in December and I will be planning a winter holiday watch of all that cinematic goodness.

    yellow and black alien illustration
    Photo by Marloes Hilckmann on Unsplash

    The Memory of Your First Kiss

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    I was 15 when I had my first kiss, in a truck outside my house with George Michael’s “Father Figure” playing. It was totally awesome, the best combination of sweet and “wowza!!”

    Every once in a while, Pandora plays this song and I think of this memory.

    Over the years, that memory has changed.

    More specifically, over the years, the way I think about the memory of my first kiss has changed.

    Go ahead, think about your first kiss.

    Recall how you thought about the experience at the time…

    …then 1 week later…1 year later…10 years later…20 years later…

    You get the idea.

    I imagine your thoughts about your first kiss were different in the days following than they are now.

    That’s fantastic!

    Our thinking about events changes over time, sometimes a little, sometimes a lot.

    Which means that how you’re thinking about your life now…is very likely to evolve over the remainder of your life.

    A memory may seem crisp and clear, yet the thinking about it is relative.

    I love spending time with my past selves, and choose to do so every month or two.

    In fact, my 15 year old self is one of the most remarkable people I know.

    So we hang out. I ask her opinion about my life now. I ask for her opinion on decisions I’m making.

    I get very cool answers from this version of me.

    It helps me to connect with this truth: How I think about my decisions, big or small, will change over time.

    And it won’t be because of the results, the “what happened.”

    It won’t even be because of choosing to go through door 1 or door 2.

    It will be because my thinking itself changes.

    I’ve heard advice to look at decisions through short, mid-term and long-term lenses.

    What will the decision look like in 10 days, 10 months, 1 year, 10 years?

    Pausing to do this work removes intensity or urgency from a decision.

    Knowing that how I think about a memory will change for the better as I change for the better makes me feel like it’s “easier” to say yes or no to opportunities.

    The more I’m connected to my values, the easier it is to decide.

    The more I’m committed to my health and growth, the easier it is to know which choice I prefer.

    The more I decide from an inside place than because of external factors, the more likely I’ll tell a positive story about my decision in the future.

    Plus I get to look forward to the memory that I’m making!

    Have fun playing this thought experiment. Does reflecting on a memory like your first kiss make you feel courageous, uncomfortable, bold, amused or anxious?

    All good information to have about yourself, yes? 

    Love you madly,

    Lisa

    silhouette of man and woman about to kiss on beach during sunset
    Photo by Annette Sousa on Unsplash

    Fizzy Bubbles & Swamp Bubbles

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    Why, hello, there!

    Today I’m going to share a metaphor that is a fun way to describe our brain.

    Thoughts are bubbles.

    Fizzy bubbles rising into our awareness, neither good nor bad.

    Sometimes life experiences sink to the bottom of our mind and compost.

    Things get swampy down there below our day-to-day thinking.

    I call bubbles rising from that composted stuff “swamp bubbles.”

    Thoughts we don’t choose on purpose are just nothin’ but bubbles.

    Light. Transitory. Meaningless on their own.

    I love the image of “thought are bubbles” in my mind.

    Blip, pop, up they rise into my conscious awareness and sometimes pass just as quickly.

    I used to worship the bubbles and think, “What do the bubbles tell me to do?!?”

    I would shake the bottle to get more bubbles to move.

    “Think! Think! Figure it out! More bubbles will help me find the right bubbles, I’m sure of it”

    I used to try to use thinking to solve my thought problems.

    “I am confused about these bubbles so let’s get some more bubbles in here!”

    BUBBLES!!!!

    It seems that we have a strong cultural bias for intelligent action.

    Making a “good” decision using our thoughts, then doing the stuff the good thoughts tell us to do.

    That’s the ideal, right?

    But can you trust your thinking?

    I sure don’t, not anymore!

    Here’s an example:

    I love walking my dog, Bailey. Except when I don’t.

    “Look at her sniffing the grass. She’s so in the moment. And look at the sunset – the entire sky looks pink and orange!” – and – 

    “Are you really going to sniff this grass this long? I’m getting bored. And we’re missing the best part of the sunset – I can’t see it from this part of the street!”

    This literally could be different thought bubbles floating up within 2 minutes of each other.

    So which one is the “real” me?

    This one, that one, both or neither?

    “I’m not good enough” rises from the swamp just as readily as “I’m a freakin’ rock star!”

    I love some of my fizzy thought bubbles. And some of them I simply label “swamp bubbles” and ignore.

    The less I think about my thinking, the lighter I feel.

    And light and open and playful are all feelings that help me enjoy the living of my life.

    Give it a try this week!

    When you notice getting wrapped up in your thoughts, pause and say, “BUBBLES!”

    See if this playful response causes you to see the situation more lightly.

    Love you madly,

    Lisa

    P.S. Have you seen the movie “Finding Nemo”? MY BUBBLES!!! See a clip here!

    Relationship Rice Bowl

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    Hello, hello!

    Today’s letter is inspired by…EVESDROPPING!

    At lunch recently, a person at another table was describing her family’s go-to meal: rice bowls.

    Rice, perhaps flavored with a broth or spices.

    Vegetables – which ones?

    Protein? Healthy fat? Fun toppings?

    As I listened to her describe the different flavor combinations, I thought of you.

    I mean, I got a little hungry, but mostly I thought about you and what your relationship rice bowl might be like. 

    I work with people where the relationship is only rice. Barely cooked. Same clumpy lukewarm heap every day. 

    I work with people who dream of curried rice with hearty, simple vegetables steamed to perfection. Their fantasies don’t line up with reality.

    I work with people who have given up. They do not enjoy any part of building their relationship rice bowl: the food prep, the cooking, the cleaning – it all stinks. 

    Imagine…

    …what is your relationship rice bowl like?

    Abundant?

    Exotic?

    Simple yet hearty?

    Saucy? Or dry?

    Or have you decided to let ol’ so ‘n’ so get their own darn dinner because you are not cookin’?

    Imagine your ideal relationship.

    What will you add?

    Trust?

    Laughter?

    Physical affection? Sex?

    The ability to stay calm during any disagreement? 

    What would it be for you?

    Have so much fun with this thought exercise.

    Love you madly,

    Lisa

    P.S. Email me to tell me what’s in your rice bowl! Let’s have a virtual “lunch”! 

    P.P.S. Find me on Facebook or YouTube to see my short weekly videos.

    vegetable salad on black ceramic bowl
    Photo by Delaney Van on Unsplash

    Second Chances (or Third or Ninety-Second Chances)

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    You made a mistake. You are working on forgiving yourself by thinking helpful thoughts.

    Time to move on. 

    Do you think you deserve second chances? How do you feel about other people getting second chances?

    Do you think some mistakes are so unforgivable that the person should never get another chance?

    A lot of stress in our relationships – including the one with ourselves! – is the feeling that past performance is an indicator of future results. 

    Maybe that’s true sometimes. 

    Maybe not. 

    What if every choice, every interaction, every chance is a new start? 

    One of my favorite phrases is this:

    “You win or you learn.”

    You wouldn’t see a baby learning to walk and say, “Yeah, pfft, that kid will never learn. She should stick to crawling.”

    But we say that to ourselves and the people in our lives all day long. 

    A key part of coaching is the belief that each day brings a new chance. 

    It’s your thoughts and actions TODAY that matter to me as your coach. What you did yesterday was learning. I believe everything is possible to you today and tomorrow no matter what you did yesterday or last year or what happened to you when you were 8. 

    The power of coaching is the belief that we get unlimited chances and have unlimited opportunity. 

    How. Cool. Is. That?

    I want to be your coach! Sign up for a free consultation.  

    Subscribe to my newsletter to get these blog posts by mail. 

    Forgiving Yourself

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    Last time, we talked about noticing your response to making mistakes.

    I suggested that how you view mistakes and how you feel about yourself when you make them is a contributor to your stress.

    You and I are going to make mistakes. No matter how we plan and prepare, sometimes things do not go the way we expect them to go. 

    We might mess up when no one notices, or in front of someone important to us. 

    Some of us have a really strong self-critical response to making a mistake. 

    “How could I have been so stupid to…?”

    “When will I ever learn that…?”

    “I knew I wasn’t good enough for…”

    Forgiving yourself isn’t a woo-woo self-care exercise. It’s a key part of managing your brain. It’s essential to developing the resiliency to handle stress. 

    A few thoughts on your self-talk when you make a mistake:

    • When you make a mistake, do you talk to yourself like you’d talk to your child or your best friend?
    • Where did you learn to talk to yourself like that? 
    • When you make a mistake, is how you talk to yourself helpful?

    At the end of the day, the secret to managing stress is to love yourself so much that you develop the habit of noticing your thoughts and choosing ones that help you. 

    You may worry that being nice to yourself will encourage you to “get away with” sub-standard behavior. I think being critical is a blocker to managing your stress for better performance. 

    So, you made a mistake. How do you move on? Perhaps think helpful thoughts like:

    • Well, now I learned a way that I do NOT want to do this next time.
    • Humans make mistakes. I’m human. Chances are, I’ll make a mistake too, then. 

    When you think helpful thoughts, you open the door to a second chance which I’ll talk about next time. 

    I want to be your coach! Want to know more about my coaching approach? Sign up for a free consultation.  

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